A Singaporean War Movie

A Singaporean War Movie

You know what I would do if I had the money and the directorial capabilities of JJ Abrams? I would film a Singaporean War movie. I think it'd make pretty good money. Imagine something like...The Pacific, or Saving Private Ryan, only this time, it's people you can actually relate to. There'll be the smart-ass JC guy, the slacker mat, the smart mat, the indian dude, the weird PRC who just came from China not a few months back.

And they'll all be speaking in singlish!

Sample dialogue:

"At that side got enemy! Got grenade anot?!"

"I tell you to stay here, you stay here, understand?"

"CHEEB***! Take this, you mother-cheeb***!"

I can actually go on forever. Brilliant right? It doesn't even have to have a smart plot. Just very singlish dialogue, and it'll be a study on the Singaporean culture, as well as the dynamics within the army.

Possible titles:

-CCB

-Every Singaporean Son of A Bitch

-My Rifle, And Your Mother, And Me.

The Third Marathon

I wasn't sure what to expect going into my third marathon. The first one was to prove to myself that I can finish a marathon with a decent timing. The second one was to prove to myself that I can finish a marathon with a good timing.

But a third?

I wasn't really sure why I signed up. I sort of just did. Fresh from the euphoria of a sub-4 marathon at Standard Chartered, I thought to myself 'Why not just do it again?'. With army over and done with, I figured I'd have more time to train, and would be able to dedicate more time to running. A timing below 3hr50min didn't seem so far off.

But reality soon reared it's ugly realistic head. When you're working, there's actually little time to run. Imagine waking up at 630 in the morning, leaving at 730, and only getting home 12 hours later. During weekdays, I can only run in the evening. But I have this thing called a 'life', and 'other hobbies' to pursue.

Coming into this third marathon, I certainly didn't train as much as I did in the previous two. And it showed in the results. I ran a race of 4hr36min. That's worse than my 1st marathon by about 10min. Don't think that I'm ashamed of this result, though. 4hr36min is still a pretty good timing.

So back to reality and it's ugly head. I had little time to train, but I did train as much as I could. I ran nearly everyday still, taking only about 2 days off in a week. Distance-wise, I ran less, because I didn't have time to do the crazy mileage I did before. However, I still kept to a reasonable training schedule. And it got me an OK time, and a brutal marathon experience.

Conclusion? Marathoning isn't for me. At least, not for now, when I'm trying to pursue so many other things in life. I wanna read, write, go to the gym, go on a proper diet, go out on dates, and all that. I'm giving the upcoming Standard Chartered a miss this time around, because for the next 6 months, I want some flexibility in my life.

I get why people do marathons. It's tiring, and it's demanding, but at the end of the day, you feel so damn satisfied. If I had all the time in the world, I wouldn't mind. But I don't. I feel that I'm young, and that life is like grains of sand and if I don't take control of it, it's just going to slip through my fingers.

3 marathons later, and I'm tired. It's been a really good phase of my life, but it's time to try out other things. I'm gonna be shelfing my running shoes. I'll be hitting the gym more often, going on a strict diet, and I'll see what works out.

It's 0622am. Having crossed the finish line at about 230am, I have yet to sleep. I have turned my laptop on and off three times. Should I just give up?

You know what they say: Sleep can wait.

This is what I do, at 1 in the morning.

I always found the nursery rhyme of "Jack and Jill" to be a bit disturbing. People generally assume that both of them are kids, and that both of them are siblings. I know this because of all the illustrations I have seen as a young kid. However, the rhyme never actually spells out their identity! Their identity, to this date, remains as one of the elusive mysteries of my childhood.

The popular theory is that they are siblings. Both their names begin with 'J'. This naming schemes is prevalent in many siblings, including my own. If they are siblings, their parents have presumably ordered them to fetch water. At a time when there were no such thing as maids, menial chores such as these often fell upon the children's shoulders.

But why did Jack fall? And more importantly, why did Jill come tumbling after?

If we expand upon the 'sibling theory', then I don't think it'll be too far-fetched to assume that they are Siamese twins. They went to fetch 'a pail of water'. They didn't fetch several pails of water, just one. Jack alone would have been more than enough to carry the pail of water. He's a man for goodness sake. So let's assume that Jack can carry it by himself. Why would Jill want to follow? She may not want to, but she has to, due to the fact that they are attached to one another! Jack and Jill might be the first ever fictional Siamese twins!

Another possibility is that they are lovers. Lovers want to do everything together. I have been in love, and yes, I have been at the point whereby I accompany my other half to do even the most mundane of tasks. So the lovebirds, Jack and Jill, go on a romantic walk up a hill. For some reason, Jack trips over something and falls. He hits his head hard against something and it's bleeding profusely. Jill, in a state of shock, chooses to take her own life, rather than live without the man for whom her loins burn for. Jack and Jill is perhaps, a more tragic love story than Romeo and Juliet.

I can only construct theories, but I guess nothing solid will ever come about, due to the lack of knowledge we have, outside of those 6 lines of rhymes. Perhaps they are slaves who commit suicide due to the horrible treatment of them by their masters. Perhaps Jack is a king, as implied by his crown, and Jill is an assassin sent to kill him.

This is what I do, at 1 in the morning.

On Tuition

As a soon to be jobless pre-university student, I find myself broke. Sure, I can ask for money from my parents but after two years of earning my own pay in army, I find it hard to bring up the subject. At almost 5 in the morning, here I am considering all my options.

The most efficient way to earn money in Singapore for a person with an A-level certificate seems to be to give tuition. Now just what is tuition? When I tell my peers in Philippines about this, they always give me a blank stare. I think it's a Singapore-thing, brought about by our uniquely Singapore education system.

Tuition is extra classes a student goes for outside school. They are either held as individual sessions, or in bigger groups. A student is usually sent for tuition classes when they aren't doing very well in school. Parents pay top-dollar to ensure that their child doesn't get left behind in school. There are parents who also just send their child for tuition just for the sake of it, I'm not kidding.

In Singapore, a significant number of students actually go for tuition. It has become a lucrative industry, and it's how most pre-university, and university students earn money. A tutor with good A-level results, hailing from a brand-name Junior College, with some experience can charge anywhere from $25 to $40. More experienced tutors sometimes charge up to $100.

I'm broke, and from a broke man's point of view, this seems like a good opportunity to make some money. However, I find the whole concept of tuition very jarring. I can't agree with it's...principles, for lack of a better word.

1. A flaw in our education system.

The popularity of tutors is an indicator of a education system which is lacking. Shouldn't kids be able to learn everything in school? What is school for then? And what are teachers for? Kids should be able to learn most of the things they need to know WITHIN the classroom, during lessons. Anything extra can be handled in remedial classes, or one-on-one consultation with the teachers.

I'm sure there are schemes we can implement within the school to alleviate the need for tuition. I, for one, encourage peer tutoring, whereby students help their less-capable peers. Both parties benefit; the stronger student helps the weaker one, and as he helps, he gets better acquainted with what he's learning.

2. A culture of dependence.

Another problem with tuition is that it doesn't encourage independent learning. It encourages spoon-feeding, at it's worst. For a tutor, his or her main objective is to make sure that the student gets the best result. This takes away some of the student's responsibility to ensure that he himself doesn't lag from his peers.

From a student's point of view, he has to worry less about his results, because he knows that behind him is his tutor who will, in a sense, whip him into shape.

The tutor is expected to prepare notes, give assessment and re-explain things to the students. This are actually things that a responsible student can do himself. Like I said, teachers are there for a reason, and he only needs to seek them out to get help.

We can't have a whole generation of spoon-fed learners. What would happen when they finally do get out onto the working world?

3. A means to an end.

Ultimately, what is tuition for? From a students' point of view, it is a means to get good grades. Anything more than that? Not really. How about from the tutor? It's a means to get money. Anything more than that? Not really.

So for the students, they may take away the wrong lessons from school. School's not about getting good grades. It partly is, but it's more than that. It's about learning HOW to learn. Tuition takes away the HOW in learning. What we want are life-long learners. Parents pamper their kids way too much, when their kids should be taking responsibility of his own learning.

For the tutor, it brings about an utterly materialistic mindset. I'm not saying that all tutors are in it for the money, though most of them are. What kind of culture are we trying to cultivate here? If you really want to teach, I say, be a teacher.

4. Buying grades.

Top tutors demand the most money. Top tutors guarantee results. Therefore, having the right amount of money will get you the results you want. This is unfair to the less-fortunate ones amongst us, and it only widens the gap between the haves and have-nots. A rich parent can afford the best tutors, and his child can do well, and go for scholarships and whatnot.

Yeah, it's their money, and they can do whatever they want with it, but you got to admit that at the end of the day, it's a screwed-up system.

A conclusion?

I wrote this to basically convince myself out of ever giving tuition. Yes, it might seem like a poorly-veiled attempt at justifying my laziness, but I think I make a butt-load of sense. I have other points I'd like to make, such as how tuition is ultimately a waste of time, and all that, but I'll just leave it at here.

Feel free to disagree, and we'll work something out.

Vote Wisely

I'm lazy to write a coherent post, so I'll just take points from Xiaxue's note and point out why it's not completely right.

"It is so convenient please, to vent all that frustration of your unhappiness on your government - the PAP!"

Yes, it's convenient, but let's first look at the underlying reason why people blame the government in the first place. How much is the government paid? They're paid the highest in any country in the world. How much of our money is controlled by the government? We pay taxes for everything, and every month, we give them our CPF contribution. How much of this country is actually controlled by the government? Everything in Singapore is partly controlled by the government. Their strings will follow you no matter what. The media, transportation, education, housing, the arts...I could go on. Of course, some of these HAVE to be controlled by the government, but that's beside the point.

Also, it's the PAP who promise to deliver us from our sufferings. That's what their manifesto, posters, advertisements, everything says.

Personally, I would like for there to be less government-intervention in society. However, since it seems like they are too deeply entrenched, it is not unreasonable to expect them to do an above-average job.

Excuse me? WHY? Who is stopping you from being a hardworking student, getting a scholarship, and becoming minister yourself? Who is stopping you from setting up your own business after saving up money from doing several jobs? YOU THINK ALL THESE PEOPLE DIDN'T WORK HARD?

Hmmm! So is she implying that everybody can be a minister if they tried hard enough? Not really, honey. The playing field's not equal. Let's say my parents are richer, and they can afford to send me to a better school, and they can provide me with tuition, and shower me with books, and send me overseas to study. Of course I'll do better as compared to another guy whose parents have to scrape by just to make sure he has food in his mouth.

The reality in this life is that it is unfair. Some people will no doubt have more than the rest because of pure dumb luck. I'm not even going to go into genes, and all, because that'll be way too complicated. But bottom-line is: life's not fair. A GOOD government's duty is to make sure that as little people get left behind. We have to grow as a society TOGETHER. What do we see in Singapore instead? The rich are getting richer, and the middle-class and lower-class are stagnating.

Mike and I barely have enough to pay the downpayment for a HDB.

She's a celebrity blogger, and she herself is having difficulty paying for her HDB. I don't know how much she makes, but it can't be that little right? It's probably slightly above average, at the very least. If she barely has enough to pay for her HDB, then what of the rest of the society? When an average Singaporean cannot afford a home in his country, then that is when we know we have gone wrong somewhere.

And I trust. I believe PAP is listening. I trust that they will strive to improve our lives, and I believe they will do a good job because they have proven they can do a good job.

Are they now? The PAP of the past is very different from the present day PAP. They are out of touch with the situation on the ground. They initiate unpopular policies, stream-rolling past any opinion which is different. I'm sure some of the PAP MPs are hardworkers who are truly concerned with the running of the nation, who are sincere in their intentions. However, presently, they are not doing good job, even though they think they might. And even if they don't, they will never admit to it! By having some opposition in parliament, we get people who were speak up FOR us, and provide us with alternatives. This is in contrary with the current system, whereby PAP proposals are put through just like THAT.

but let's just say that the PAP team is more impressive.

Not necessarily true. When she made this statement, I believe that she was speaking mostly from their educational backgrounds. Most of the Opposition Candidates are from equally impressive backgrounds. However, I would argue that their motivations are more sincere. They have more to lose by standing in these elections.

On George Yeo

I won't argue against George Yeo. I too think that he is a good person. However, voting for PAP solely because of one person, is not acceptable. According to Xiaxue, we would lose someone who is "extremely humble and willing to listen". Everybody's willing to listen! That's what the opposition parties have been saying all this while! If he gets voted off, it's the GRC system, and his team which is to blame.

But I fear a bleak future for our nation should the PAP topple.

No, it won't. Singapore is more than a group of men in white shirts. The foundation of this country is us. We are tough people who are extremely capable. This is a country which runs on US. We need people who will LEAD us, and not MISUSE us. Imagine Singapore as a sail boat. We are a FUCKING STRONG WIND.

We just need someone to adjust the sails every once in awhile.

Way to get it all wrong!

The other day, a certain celebrity blogger typed a note lamenting how Nicole Seah has more 'likes' on Facebook than our Minister Mentor, and founder of Singapore, Lee Kuan Yew. To me, it felt like someone was making a mountain out of a molehill. It's a POPULARITY CONTEST which is ONLINE.

Justin Bieber has probably a million likes on Facebook. How many likes does Barack Obama have? Nowhere close, I bet. The number of 'likes' you have on Facebook is no indication of your influence, power, or the respect people has for you.

The users of Facebook are a fickle bunch. I have 'liked' bands after seeing just ONE music video by them. I have 'liked' bands simply because they are the ones I'm currently listening to. Nicole Seah's getting so much attention right now simply because she is standing in the middle of a General Election, fighting the good fight. LKY's already walk-over, and he hasn't been saying anything much of late anyway.

Nicole Seah's appeal and subsequently, her number of 'likes', may be directly attributed to the fact that she is close to the age of most Facebook users. How many people our age are running for elections, and running well for that matter? She is an eloquent and intelligent young woman who is willing to stand up for what she believes in.

This post was supposed to be a sort of response to Xiaxue's note entitled "Vote Wisely". I went sort of off-topic. I'll do another one.

Tat2

I feel like getting another one! The first image is an anchor, which was my original plan for my first. I went with another design in the end, but in the future, I'm sure I'll get it. The other one is the Hamsa, or Hand of Fatimah. It's a Jewish and Muslim symbol representing the Hand of God.

See how lah!

Thoughts on the Elections

I used to be better at writing, I think. Two years' of National Army has eroded what skills I possessed before. To be honest, I have difficulty organizing my thoughts into a coherent essay, so I'll write a list of thoughts I have instead. They're not arranged in any particular order. Just take them as they are.

1. About policies.

People are quick to point out that the opposition are able to point out problems, and flaws, but do little in the way of offering solutions. They have proposals which are deemed as "improbable", "unrealistic", and are "pandering". On the PAP's side, we have schemes, figures, statistics, and things like that which make they're arguments seem more convincing. Unlike the opposition's "ideas", what they bring to the table are "pragmatic solutions".

The thing about the PAP is that they probably has whole ministries working on their side to come up with policies. They have a host of workers researching into this and that area of interests.

The opposition is not privy to this resource. It wouldn't be fair to expect something completely fool-proof from them. What we should expect from them is ideas which they will then bring forward to the parliament.

2. About numbers.

Numbers are really easy to play with. When the PAP manifesto stated that the Grow & Share Package more than offset the higher costs of living for most, they probably calculated the LOWEST possible increase in cost of living. When Mah Bow Tan (I'm pretty sure I'm spelling his name wrongly) stated that couples can get flats for as little as $36 per month, he did not mention the fact that the couple will be using up ALL of their CPF contributions for 30 years. What does that leave them for retirement?

Numbers are one thing. Reality is another.

3. About the opposition's attacks on the PAP

I think some of them are wholly unjustified. To say that they are uncaring, that they are motivated only by themselves is unfair. I believe that they do want to serve the nation. Sure, some of them might have a degree of self-interest, but at the end of the day, everybody wants Singapore to succeed.

I hope that in the coming days, the different parties can just put mud-slinging aside. I'd rather not see this Elections as an emotional contest. What we need is a rational one. It's not a matter of who loves Singapore more. It's about who can serve us better.

4. About the PAP Manifesto

Some of the things in there are pure wayang. Schools don't need fancy "indoor sports halls" and "performance arts and dance studios". Our neighbourhoods don't need fancy playgrounds, and parks. I think what we have is enough. There are bigger issues that need to be solved. Superficial change is not what we need at the moment.

Why upgrade the estates when the bigger problem lies in the fact that people can't get a home? Why bother putting in more facilities in schools when the bigger problem lies in the education system?

5. About campaigning

It seems like PAP has a lot more money to spend on campaigning. While other parties have to beg for donations, and sell merchandise, the PAP freely distributes brochures/newsletters and ferries people from GRCs to their rallies. I just hope that that's not our money that's being spent and that they have their own funds.

6. About the Future

I must admit that the PAP has done a good job in the past. It's no easy feat to bring about such sweeping economic progress to a nothing-much island state. No, I do not want all of the opposition parties to win. What I want is for enough of them to win such that they will represent a strong enough voice in the parliament to offer an alternative to the PAP.

You know what they say, absolute power corrupts absolutely.

A strong opposition in the parliament will ensure that the PAP does not abuse their authority, and is held accountable for their mistakes. We have some very capable people in the PAP at the moment. It would be a great loss if we were to lose them.

Ahh, I'll leave it here. I'm tired, and I'm gonna sleep.

#raymondsadventureatthephilippinesembassy

This post is sort of connected to yesterday's post. You know how I mentioned that Filipinos seem to be facing some sort of delay when applying for their citizenship? If I didn't get my Singapore citizenship soon, I might have to make do with my Filipino passport. Which happens to be expiring soon. So without further delay, I informed my boss that I would be coming in slightly late because I'd be dropping by the Philippines Embassy to renew said passport.

So at 830, I found myself at the British Council, right across from Gleneagles Hospital and the Botanic Gardens. According to gothere.sg, the easiest way to get to the Philippines Embassy would be to walk from the British Council. It's quite a hard place to find. I dropped off the bus not knowing where to go. I went to gothere.sg, and asked how to go from the British Council to the Philippines Embassy.

It said: Don't be lazy, it's just a short walk!

I cursed at the site, and then proceeded onto Google maps, which was more helpful. It still took me about 20 minutes to get to the Embassy though, by which I was already sweating a crazy amount.

The Philippines Embassy is located at Naseem Road. It's hard to find, and it's not even a proper building. It's more of a shitty old bungalow which they converted into an office. There's not even a sign or anything like that. The only identifying feature? Look for the building with a gajillion Filipinos.

Oh, and it's beside the Japanese Embassy. It's quite embarassing how the two buildings are juxtaposed. The Japanese Embassy looks so much more grand, and isn't as chaotic as the Philippines Embassy.

The Embassy is a chaos when I get there, which is 845am. I see a queue, and join it. A man asks whether anyone was renewing their passport, and I thought to myself, "That's me!", and I went to him, and he gave me a queue number and told me to wait for my number to be flashed. The queue number was 5107.

Like I said, the Embassy is basically one shitty old bungalow. Over there, they offer plenty of services such as renewal of passports, applying for work permits, exit passes, and all that. All this processes are done OUTDOORS, in a mini void-deck.

There were at least 200 people there, I swear.

There was only one queue handling passport renewals. The queue when I got there was at 5005. I'm assuming the queue started at 5000. That means that there are 106 people who got there before me. The Embassy opens only at 9. They probably got there at...7? Who knows. But that's one screwed up system.

I took a seat, strategically underneath a fan. I was in Philippines. Everybody around me was speaking in Tagalog. Even when they spoke English, it was heavily accented.

The queue was moving at a phase of about 13 numbers per 15 minutes. I know because I timed it. I had my book to read, and my phone to tweet on, and my notebook to scribble on, but after awhile I grew really really really bored.

Ahh, I'm getting tired. Long story short, I came at 845, I left at 330, almost 7 hours later. Now, what did I actually have to do? Nothing much really! There were three stations I had to go through. First was to get my forms checked, and signed. Next was to get my photo taken, my fingerprint scanned, and my data keyed into the computer. Last was the payment station.

Those three process put together probably lasts...ten minutes.

I waited 7 hours for those ten minutes. What a fucking waste of time. I actually sacrificed one day's worth of pay just to get this done. I thought I'd be done by lunch, so that I could at least go for half-a-day, but no, the inefficiency had me waste my whole day.

The problem lies mostly with the staff at the Philippines Embassy, I think. They're just not very efficient. They take breaks, chit-chat with each other, and basically behave quite unsatisfactorily. Take for example at the photo-taking session. There was a baby getting his picture taken. All the staff at the photo-taking booth stopped what they were doing and cooed over the baby. What the hell. Just do your job ladies.

And the filipinos are partly at fault too. I think some of them just can't follow instructions well. Some don't bring this, or that, and that causes a huge delay.

At the photo station, there's also a jam because people aren't satisfied with their photo, and keep asking for re-dos. For goodness sake, nobody will judge you if your passport is ugly! Damn it. I took mine, and the lady asked me if I wanted to retake it. My hair was a mess, and I didn't look my best. I've been waiting all day after all. But a photo is a photo.

"Just use it miss, it's just a passport."

The Philippines Embassy will also do well in putting up a list of estimated waiting times. For example, if there are X number of people ahead of you, you'd have to wait an X number of minutes.

Sigh. On a whole, it was an exercise of inefficiency. I'm so glad I only have to do this once every 5 years.

Where's my citizenship.

I applied for Singaporean citizenship at the month of November last year. Typically, the time taken to process this would be just over 6 months. My friends from Malaysia, China, Taiwan and Indonesia all got it within that time frame. If we follow this trend, I'd be on track to get my citizenship around May to June.

If I got it around that period, I'd be totally fine.

However, I did some poking around and found that one of my Filipino friends still hadn't gotten his citizenship even though he applied in June of 2009. That is close to 2 years ago. 2 years is the time he spent in national service. Potentially, the time he spent waiting for his citizenship will exceed that time period.

His case is not an isolated one. At least two other filipino friends' of mine, whom I met through National Service, are undergoing the same plight.

I really have no idea what's going on, and why there's this apparent discrimination against Filipinos. Honestly speaking, we Filipinos are a GARANG breed. We might go into NS hesitantly, but when we're there, we make the best out of the experience. You'll never hear us complain about the tough training. Philippines is a tough neighborhood. We've experienced worse, and we're happy to be here.

In my Basic Medic Course, there were 5 of us who were Filipinos. We were fierce. Three of them wanted to get out of medic course to get posted to GUARDS. They personally appealed to our Officer Commanding to get OOC-ed, and subsequently sent to Guards. When they were denied of this, they dropped out of medic course and moved on to more garang units. One of them eventually signed on as an ADF regular.

What of the other two? One was me, and I don't want to blow my own horn, but I was a darn good soldier. The other one went back to his unit to become a platoon medic, and I'm pretty sure he did a good job.

So what am I trying to say here? We went through the same kind of shit that everybody else did. We might have done it better, we might have done it worse...but at the end of the day, 2 years is 2 years. We sacrificed 2 years of our lives for this country, and yes, we want what's rightfully ours.

I don't know what's causing the delays. Some say it's the elections, and personally, I think it is. They just want to artificially deflate the numbers. But it's unfair. I don't want to be an unwitting pawn to these charade they're putting up. My university is starting very soon, in August. Just let my citizenship come by then, for goodness fucking sake.

The Kite

"Hey, hold up! You're walking too quickly. I'm a girl, remember?"

I slowed down my stride. Examining Hannah from top to bottom, from her jet black shoulder-length hair, down to her bare shoulders, to her hips, and finally to her sneakers with pink laces, I had to agree.

This was an activity I used to do with Grayson, my best friend. We would trek down to the nearby park and wait for the wind to blow, with our kites in our hands. This was something the two of us shared, something we started in our childhood and carried all the way up to our late teens.

Me, him, the kite, and the wind.

Without the wind, the kite can't fly. But without the kite, for what purpose does the wind blow? Somehow, that described our relationship. I'm not sure who is who. I'd prefer to be the kite, the thing that gets blown.

We're not gay, by the way. Just close friends. It's good to get things like this clear early on.

Hannah was the Grayson's girlfriend. She's my friend too. Actually, the three of us grew up together. We lived in different blocks, but we were within minutes from each other, and we shared the same playground.

Now that Grayson's gone, it's just me and Hannah.

"Okay, so when I say GO, toss the kite up high, and I'll run as fast as I can. Simple?"

"Got it!" Hannah shouted from a distance. The park was virtually deserted except for an elderly man sitting at a bench reading the newspapers. The string was in my hands. I waited for a moment when the wind would be strong.

"NOW!"

Hannah tossed the kite up into the blue sky. Not high, but high enough. I burst into a sprint. The kite followed me like a skybound shadow, like a guardian angel. I thought of the kite as Grayson. He's up in heaven right now, but like this kite, he's attached to me somehow, watching over.

The wind remained resilient and the string remained taut. Hannah sauntered up to me. She gave me a look as if to say "So, what now?"

"So, what now?"

"Pass me the scissors."

She took out the pair from her purse. About a month back, Grayson was stabbed in the backstreets of Manchester. He had gone there to fulfil his dreams of becoming some sort of philosopher person. I wonder what he'd think of all this now? While walking back to his dorm one particular night, a drunk approached him for money. Being the tough guy he is, he refused, and there was a struggle.

A hole was made in his body, and out of it, his spirit leaked out. I can imagine his body lying on the cold dark street. Blood oozes out from the stab wound. Like a balloon deflating in slow-motion.

"Grayson's the kite. And we're gonna cut him loose from our lives starting now." Grayson was a big fan of metaphors, and he would have loved what we were doing now.

"I really loved him, you know." Hannah said. Her tears were welling up now. I liked her for awhile, but it never worked out. Grayson edged me out.

"So did I." The wind was relentless then. The kite flew strong and proud. Hannah opened the teeth of the scissors and positioned it over the string. I put my hands over hers, giving her that extra push to snip the string.

-SNIP-

The kite flew away. It was kidnapped by the wind, at least that's how it looked. The string fell to the ground. Lifeless. Strings can't fly.

What Future.

She sounds like she's sitting for her oral exams!

Time 100

Has anyone else seen the full list of 2011 Time 100? It's ridiculous! Who compiles this list? What are the standards needed to get into said list? None? To me, being part of the Time 100 means being someone who has changed the way a significant amount of people live. No, you do not need to be famous to be in it. Not every hero gets fame and fortune. What I do demand though is that you have DONE something to deserve the spot on the list.

When I go on google, and put your name in, I want to be stunned. Let's take Takeshi Kanno for example. I've never heard of him until I saw him on the list. He's a doctor at a public hospital which was affected by the tsunami in Japan about a month back. When he heard that the tsunami was coming, he moved as many patients as he could to the higher floors, saving them for an otherwise untimely demise. He tended to his patients and stayed with them until choppers came down and evacuated them. A true hero, indeed.

But how about Blake Lively? What the hell is she doing on that list? She is an actress for ONE popular television show (Gossip Girl), which is entertaining, but hardly ground-breaking, nor culturally significant. She's also acted in several movies, the most famous one being Ben Affleck's The Town. Anything else? Nope, that's about it. Her write up on the Time website simply says that she "channels the vitality of youth". I CHANNEL THE VITALITY OF YOUTH.

I'm not trying to take away anything from Blake Lively. She's a beautiful person, and I'm sure she's got a heart of gold. But why is she on the Time 100?

Another one who made it in the list was Chris Colfer. I was going to say he didn't really deserve it, but after reading his Wikipedia page, I guess he's pretty cool. He plays Kurt in Glee, who's gay. In real life, Chris is gay, too, and he serves as an inspiration to gay kids who are bullied. I'm all for being true to yourself, and to that extent, Chris Colfer is quite inspiring.

Lady Gaga's conspicuously absent from the list. I don't know what's going on in this world anymore. She's just released two singles in the past months, has a full album coming out, and continues to entertain the world just by being her.

Fort Canning (10/04/11)

What now babies.

It's Friday but I'm not quite through the week just yet. There's still work tomorrow. The load is heavy, but my shoulders are strong. I'll get through it somehow.

There's so many things to do all the time. And I'm taking it upon myself to make sure everything goes right. It feels right. Like, I'm the most senior one in the team, so I feel like it's my responsibility to push things through. It's also part of my personality; the need to get everything right every single time.

Expect more from others, expect most from yourself, that's what I say.

But working is....it doesn't really feel very important, you know what I mean? I feel like a cog in the machinery. It's not a bad thing to be a cog; to be needed to keep the big picture moving. But I'm just one of MANY cogs.

I want to be the BIGGEST cog. I want to be more important in this world. It's some sort of superhero complex. There are two paths I can go down on: To play the game and be a major player, or to totally separate myself from the game, and be a non-participant.

Which is better? I don't know. But sooner or later, I'm gonna encounter that crossroad. It's going to take me by surprise.

Think of a lovely sunny day at a park. Your walking down this path upon which leaves are strewn around. And then you encounter a fork. You can't see it's end. So what do you do? Some friends go this way, and others go that. Where do you go?

Rabbits Left For Dead

God knows how it all started. Somehow, these humans got the impression that our feet were lucky. They hunt us down, and then they chop off our legs and keep it as charms of sorts. In the past, they would kill us, chop off our legs and then proceed to devour the rest of our flesh. But lately, the practice has taken a strange turn for the worse, for us.

The humans got the impression that a rabbit foot taken from a live rabbit is luckier. Again, god knows how this started. It's a cruel practice. One of them would hold us down, and the other would take a blade and hack our feet right off. They don't stop at one of course. They cut all four limbs.

Their knives, like their minds, are dull. The process is excruciating for both parties, but we get the harder end of the bargain. We would squeal our tiny lungs out, and struggle. No use. No use.

Limbless, we just lies there; a puddle of blood and fur.

So the human returns home, victorious, happy. Is he lucky? I do not know. It's beyond me, beyond my concerns. Sooner or later, a predator, probably a wolf, would come along and just eat us. A limbless creature doesn't struggle much.

I can't help but think to myself, as I stare death in the eye, what drives these strange humans. What's so lucky about my foot when clearly, I am the unluckiest creature on this Earth? I have no limbs, I cannot move.

I wait for death to come to me.

Last Goodbye

No, this isn't the Last Goodbye. I'll come back. Last Goodbye is the title of my favourite song at the moment. I'm always singing it in the showers, while playing LAN, whenever. It's about love and loss, in very few words. The melodies are powerful, and the voice is haunting, and it's everything sad and beautiful about loving another person.

I haven't been updating here, I know. Actually, I haven't had much time for anything, ever since my the beginning of this week. Been more busy with my job you see. I'm working 6 days a week now, from 9 to 8 every single day. Yeah, it's tiring.

I don't have much time for anything else. I don't mind the job, but I have to wonder. I mean, there's got to be more to life than working.

Don't stop.

Until your leaning on every traffic lights for support.

Until your throat is a desert.

Until your body's at it's limit.

Until you can't run straight, let alone think straight.

Until you lose yourself.

Until you can taste your sweat.

Until your legs hate you.

Until you finish.

What are maids for?

All these recent hullabaloo about the NSF making his maid carry his field pack has given the SAF plenty of bad press. Rightly so, I guess. It's something done only by small children who are firstly, weak, and secondly, carrying a hellish amount of books.

What the hell this guy was thinking, I don't know. He seems like the typical spoiled, rich brat. Maybe he has a shoulder injury, some people say. Bullshit, no amount of shoulder injury would prevent you from carrying your field pack. Like I said, he's just an shameless overgrown primary school kid.

Now, that issue has been beaten to death. And taken to new extremes. Today's The New Paper ran a front page article on how maids cleans NSF's uniform and boots. Err, isn't that what maids are for? Carrying a bag, and doing house work are completely different matters, I think. It's about being practical.

Why else would we hire maids, but to do the things that we don't really want to do, such as clean the house, and wash our clothes?

If the boy wants to clean his own clothes, then good for him. But if he doesn't, it's okay. He's forced to do his own shit in camp anyway. I don't see why he can't just chillax when he's at home.

TNP got it wrong by lumping different issues into one big snow ball. Maids cleaning an NSF's uniforms and boots is no issue, because that's they're job. An NSF making his maid carry his field pack IS an issue because it echoes a generation which lacks common sense, common decency and most of all, shame.

Talking about a second chance.

So you know how I posted on Saturday that I was going for a 24km run? Well, it turns out that running in the morning is a completely different mountain to climb. There's the heat, the fact that I'm basically running on little food and water having just woken up, and there was also the thing about me doing too much static exercises the night before.

My intention was to run the whole 24km, but in the end, I just stopped at the 20km mark and walked the rest of the way. I was quite peeved at first, but I grew to accept it, and even began to enjoy my walk.

There's this deserted path I walk through, and there I just sang. Rebecca Black's Friday has been stuck in my head, so I was singing what I imagine to be an acoustic version of it. I sang Justin Bieber too. They're not my most favourite songs in the world, but the lyrics are easy enough to remember. I was singing out loud. Once, a man cycled past me and gave me a look. I stopped singing for a while, but I couldn't control myself. I continued singing, but looked behind me once in a while to see whether anyone was coming.

So my initial attempt at 24km was not a total success. It's not something you beat yourself up over. Not many people run on Saturday mornings, and not many people run crazy distances.

It's a bit like life, in that when you go upon an undertaking, you don't always succeed. But you can take some pride in the fact that you tried doing something not many people dare to do so. I could move on, or try again. I decided to try again.

Yesterday, work ended late, so I only reached home about 7. I wolfed down my dinner, and then willed my body to digest the food as quickly as possible, so that I can leave for my run at 830. 1 and half hours is a really quick time, and when I finally began my jog, I had a bit of stitches, but it's alright.

So yeah, there I was, on a 24km run on a Tuesday evening at East Coast Park. I took it easier with the first 12km, then pushed myself running back. I upped my speed for 4 minutes, then jogged for 6, and did that cycle all the way home.

My body's still aching from the run up 'til now. I like it. Running's about putting your body to the test. Pushing it to it's limit, and all. I can't believe that such a small frame can cover such an enormous distance. I'm only 1.66m, yet I can cover 24km. There's something special about that, I think.

A Life-like Run

Here I am, up at 6:30 in the morning, getting ready to go for a run. It's going to be a 24km run today, so that will take me about 2 hours. Imagine that! 2 hours of plain old running! It's just me, and my two feet, moving in a metronome-like fashion, going from one place to the other and then back with no particular purpose.

In that way, running's like life. If you really really think about it, life doesn't have a true "meaning", or "purpose". We can go through life and never really achieve anything, or accomplish anything. We have to find our own meaning, even though there might be no such thing.

I run to train for a marathon. But what is a marathon other than a concoction, a concept, by humans to draw an arbitrary "goal" or "finish line", to give themselves a sense of accomplishment, after all that running? You see my point, right?

At the end of the day, I'm running simply because I want to. It's meaningless, but I enjoy it. I like ending up where I started and looking back and going "Holy shit, I can't believe I covered that distance," I love that I'm going at my own pace and that I'm going from place to place without really being there. It's like being a ghost.

Okay, I let my mind wander too much. Gonna do my customary bowel movements and then move out. Happy weekend, and do check out raymondangelove.tumblr.com for my hipster images. I think they're awesome.

A Side-Project: Hipster Raymond Angelo

Hello! I've been working on this project for the past two days. It's nothing big, but I think it's something that's very me, you know what I mean? If a person does something, there are instances where you'd go "That's totally him,", and this is one of those instances.

I'm a big fan of this show called Community, and as such, I know most Community-related websites on the net. One day, I stumbled upon this particular site called Hipster Community (hipstercommunity.tumblr.com). Over there, they took memorable lines from the show and put them on ridiculously "hip" picture.

It's the juxtaposition of funny lines from the show I love and emo images which are awesome.

And as such, I've decided to follow suit! I take my tweets, and then using PhotoShop CS5, put them on awesome images I scour from the net. Visit me at raymondangelove.tumblr.com!

Below are some of the ones I've completed. I assure you, there'll be more to come. They're quite easy to make, and it gives me plenty of satisfaction. Sometimes, even I can't believe the things I tweet haha.

I feel like my street cred is going through the roof.

How To Choose A Wallpaper

So as some of you might know, I recently acquired a new laptop. It's awesome. I like the fact that now, the computer is in my own room and that I no longer have to share with my other two brothers. I also love that I can basically do whatever I want with it. It's nice to have something I can call mine.

On the old computer, I never really cared about my desktop. My wallpaper was some...Incredible Hulk rubbish, and when I download things, I usually put them on my desktop, so it was quite a mess. Now though, with my own laptop, I'm making an effort to make it presentable.

So I scoured the net for potential wallpapers. For me, I found them though my favourite internet forum, and they had a thread on awesome wallpapers. Alternatively, you can just use google search for specific subjects that you might be interested in, and I'm sure they'll have a wallpaper for that.

Below are some of the more interesting wallpapers I found. Pardon the lack of interesting shortcuts! I haven't had time to install anything significantly cool. I can't really decide which one to use, they're all too good.

Cute:

Hurhur:

Colorful Lights:

Nerd Cool:

Out there:

What-I-actually-wanna-put-but-won't-because-people-will-think-I'm-a-pervert:

Writing and Stuff

Tried my hand at a bit of writing. It's abit hodge-podge, but that's me, I guess.

Hands Clasped Together (Praying for the World to End)

They said that prayers don't work, and I couldn't help but believe that. I look around me and see the world crashing down. Prayers are wasted thoughts directed at vast nothingness. I mean, people are always wishing for good things to happen yet the ratio of good things to bad things is about fifty-fifty.

Actually, more bad things happen. It's not a choice between half empty, or half full, because the truth is, the glass is mostly empty.

Maybe life's supposed to suck.

-

I met the devil in the park one Sunday afternoon. I thought it was a strange place to meet him, or her, or whatever. It was my weekly long run. About 20km, give or take, running through the park by myself. The peace running gives me is amazing, I swear. Anyway, there he was, just sitting on the bench. He was beside a dustbin, for some reason, wearing a red cloak. His, or her, or whatever's face was hidden and the voice was like no voice I've heard before.

It was the voice of everyone, yet no one at the same time. There was suffering in that voice.

"I'm tired, man," he said.

I'm running 20km. I don't think he knows what he's talking about.

The park was strangely deserted. So it was just me, and him. The rest of the scenery faded into nothingness.

"From now on, I'm handing all my powers to you. There is no God, there's only me. And like I said, I'm tired,"

Wait, what?

"You can have it. All my powers. If you want, you can destroy the world. I don't know, after a while, you just get sick of everything. "

I thought I sensed a tears beneath the hood, but like I said, his face was shrouded in darkness and it was impossible to tell. "My powers can't just disappear, so I'm handing them over to you."

He disappeared, and I was alone in the park again, in the middle of my run. I suddenly feel my exhaustion catch up to me. The walk home was long and lonely.

-

I don't want this weekend to end.

I'm sure everybody's hear of Rebecca Black by now. When I first saw her trending on Twitter, I thought that she was some up and coming indie artist. Someone similar to Adele, or Sarah Bareilles. But she isn't. She's just some kid with dreams of making it big.

Kinda like Justin Bieber. But bad. She only has one song out right now, as far as I know. It's called Friday. It's a good idea, executed in the worst way possible. If she had pulled it off, we could have another anthem in our hands. She epic failed. The lyrics are off, and the video makes it worse.

"Kickin' in the back seat. Chillin' in the front seat. Gotta make up my mind. Which seat can I take?"

"Yesterday was Thursday. Today i-is Friday."

"Tomorrow is Saturday. And Sunday comes after...wards!"

And that video! Holy shit. Teenagers are...driving cars and partying? Is that what's really going on? What a scary thought. In the video, when they show Rebecca Black dancing at the back of the car, I always watch the girl to her right, because she's damn awkward, it's hilarious.

But you have to give her props. What's she's done is something most people won't dare to do. I'm sure she's not a horrible person. What I criticize is the song and the video. From the bottom of my heart, I truly wish her success in her future endeavors. She's still young, who knows how things will unfold?

This video was produced by this company called ARK Music Factory. Basically, what they do is they help people produce their songs and music videos. You pay them, and they'll help you develop whatever song/music video idea you have. It's quite cool, actually. And I visited their channel on YouTube, and found that they actually have videos which are far better than Black's Friday.

Like this little gem by Alane Lee, called Butterflies! It's autotuned to hell, but it's catchy and the girl's quite pretty and the lyrics are touching. Check her out! Wait, not in the perverted way.

How To Play In-Between

This afternoon, I went to my one of my secondary school friend's place to play poker. We've been doing this for about a year now. Once every few weeks, we'll get together and just hang around for a whole afternoon and play poker.

All we have is a table, cards, chips, tidbits, the television playing in the background and each other's company. Hours will pass by in a blink! And we never really talk about anything meaningful, or profound. I think it's a very guy thing to be able to hang out without talking about "feelings" and shit like that. I like it.

Anyway, our buy-in for poker is usually $20. It's not too much, but it's not too little either. Just enough for there to be some excitement, yet not too much such that you feel guilty for paying. I like to think of it as watching a movie on a weekend and then going out for coffee after that and then a meal. I spend about the same amount of money.

And if you consider the fact that me losing $20 is the worst-case-scenario, it's actually quite worth it. There's potential for me to earn some money! And it's fun.

Anyway, I had a bunch of bad hands, or wasn't really into it, or am just lousy at poker in general...such that after awhile, I was down $10, half my buy-in. I won some back, lost some again, and yeah...pretty bad. And then we switched to in-between!

One round of in-between is played like this:

1) Each player puts a certain amount of money into the pot, for example, $0.10.

2) Each player is dealt two cards. He then has to make a decision to get another card, or just give up his hand.

3) The main goal of the game is to be dealt a card which is in-between your first two cards. Like I said, if you have two cards which are very close to each other, you can fold. If you have something like a...2 and a King, then it's quite obvious you should play on.

4) To play on, you bet a certain amount of money, no larger than the size of the pot. If the card dealt to you is in-between, you get the money you bet. If it's more or less, the money you bet goes into the pot. If the card dealt is the same as either cards in your hand, you have lose double the original money you bet.

5) Order of play is decided based on who has the lowest probability of winning. For example, a player with 3 and 9 will go before a player with 2 and 10.

It's freaking brainless, and the thing is, if you have insanely good luck, like me, you can stand to win a lot of money. I kept getting 2s and Kings or Queens. I just kept taking money from the pot, and I soon, I had won over $5. The thing about in-between is that unlike poker, it's not so much based on calculation, and it's not as confrontational.

So yeah, that's in-between!

The Anti-Tattoo Propaganda

In Singapore, when the government wants to promote something, they do a campaign on it. Things like the Singa The Lion and the Dimsum Dollies on the trains are classic examples of a truly Singaporean attempt at inculcating positive values into it's societies. Once a campaign has begun, you won't hear the end of it. There'll be a song, commercials, competitions and who knows what else.

How about less "desirable" developments in society? Such as tattoos, and poker? What's done is a complete and total shutdown of these elements from the arms of the media that the government can control.

Let's talk about tattoos for instance.

There was once a time when I can simply walk into a bookstore and browse through a book on tattoos. They're very visual books, so the browsing doesn't take too long. I just grab it off it's shelf and flip around for designs I like, and might get. That was before. Now, you'll be hard pressed to find a book on tattoos in regular bookstores. In the more reputable stores, of course they carry them, but they're hidden in a corner, wrapped in plastic. So no more browsing.

Same applies to the library. I love the library because it's free books, but why is there no books on tattoos? There's books on baking, stamp collecting, diving, travelling to freaking Mongolia, yet, nothing on tattoos. I did a simple search on the library's computers and found out that all the books on tattoos are for reference only. Hmm, clearly there's some censorship being pulled here.

On TLC (Travel and Living Channel), I was a big fan of this show called Miami Ink. I was a fan of the spin-off show, LA Ink too. Basically it's about a tattoo shop, and the clientelle they get, and that tattoos requested from them and story behind the tattoo. It puts a positive spin on the whole getting a tattoo thing. It's not just a form of rebellion; there's many reasons why people do what they do, and in this show, they explore them, that's how I feel.

Before, I was able to catch it at least once a week. I think they cut down the show times here such that it will only show after midnight or something. I haven't been able to catch an episode for awhile.

So you see what somebody's doing here? It's a complete media shutdown man.

And a few weeks back there was an article carried on the New Paper which featured the local artiste Maia Lee (i think that's her name). She's not in any show, or whatever. The whole article was just her complaining about the tattoos she got! I'm serious! She was on the front page and everything, but the whole focus of the article was solely her anti-tattoo -sentiments.

Okay, long rant, with short conclusion: I got a tattoo. Not many people will be reading this, so let's just keep this between us, kay? Don't tell Facebook, don't tell twitter. I got it at a place nobody will really see it, so as far as we're concerned, it's not there, kay?

Ommmmmmmm. :)

How To Turn 21

I turn 21 today. Imagine that. 21 years ago, I didn't exist! There was no such person as "me". Life is a miracle. Actually, ALL of life is a miracle, so when people started making such a big deal about me turning 21, I got really uncomfortable. I mean, it's just an age. It's just a milestone, but it's not real in the sense that it's inevitable. Whether I do anything or not, my birthday will come and go.

Am I a different person from yesterday? In fact, am I different person from a few months ago? I might be, or I might not be. The sense of measured time is something that doesn't really click with me.

Anyway, in the end, I turned 21, whether I liked it or not. My friends organized a nice dinner for me yesterday. I really appreciate the effort. I'm happy not because I'm 21, but because I have friends like them. And at work too, my colleagues and bosses threw together a small something for me, and that was nice. And then I come home, and my dad orders in my favourite food, and we have a nice dinner. Like I said, it's not me turning 21 that makes me happy, it's the people.

But why can't people be like this everyday? I don't know, I guess we as a society just need to set aside some days for people...so that they can be appreciated.

I'm the centre of attention sometimes, but I WORK HARD to be the centre of that attention. So when just because I turn 21, people start paying attention to me, I feel weird as shit.

So what to do? Hmm, I'm gonna pull a stunt. Will get back to you when I actually do it. For now, I'm 21, it was inevitable, I'm happy for all the well-wishes, and that's about it!

How To Get A Laptop

I finally got my own laptop! It's an X42J, by ASUS. Okay, I won't pretend as if I know a single thing about laptops. The desktop I have been using at home has not been upgraded since 4 years' ago, and it suited me just fine. A desktop that old...compared to the laptops/desktops of today, probably has archaic specs.

I did what I know how to best: leverage on the knowledge of other people. You know the saying: If you stand on the shoulders of giants, you're not that short, or something like that.

I went with one of my friends to FUNAN first and he gave me a rundown on the basics of laptop specs. Basically, RAM determines how work your computer can handle. The processor determines it's speed. Hmm, that's about all I remember haha.

Next, I went to the IT fair. It was horribly crowded. (You can play the "penis" game, if you want) but the thing is, it really is cheaper over there. Also, they throw in plenty of freebies your way, and if you talk to the sales person nicely enough, they can slice the price down even further. I went there on Saturday and brought home a bunch of flyers.

Then finally, I discussed with my Dad, who was buying the laptop for me about our budget, and what are the best laptops we can get with the budget. And then, we went together to the IT fair on Sunday and looked around. After heading over to the DELL booth, the ACER booth, and the ASUS booth, we finally settled on an ASUS.

And yeah, just like that, I finally got a laptop. I'm freaking thankful for it. I'm watching TV and using the computer. How cool is that? My birthday is coming, and that's why I got this laptop. I don't just get laptops randomly, hahaha.

Okay, that's it for me. Happy Monday.

How To Donate To Charity

Hello all. The recent earthquake that shook Japan really really affected me.

It's partly because I have a soft spot for Japan. I love most things Japanese. Their food is tasty, their mangas are good, their games are tops, their woman are beautiful, and their culture is profound and deep. They seem like a genuinely nice bunch of people. They may have been fuckers back in the 1940s, but now, they're alright.

So when the earthquake struck them, I couldn't help but think that..."They don't deserve to be struck by an earthquake, man," But then again, that's life for you. Life happens, sometimes, without explanations. It's like how we can't stop the rain from falling, or the sun from shining. Sometimes, things just happen.

There's been an outpouring of grief and sympathy online, on facebook, on twitter, and all. It's good, but I doubt it's enough. Japan's not gonna rebuild itself on words, prayers, thoughts. Don't get me wrong; your sentiments are appreciated. I'm sure if I'm in Japan right now, it'll touch my heart that the whole world is on our side. But if you really want to help, you can make a monetary donation at: www.ifrc.org.

IFRC, or the International Federation for Red Cross and Crescent Societies for long, is the international umbrella under which all Red Cross and Crescent arms fall under. They accept international credit cards. Spare Japan some money! Consider all the free manga, porn, games that you have "ripped" from Japan...a small sum isn't too much to ask for. Billions of dollars in damages man. Check out this pictures:






Yeah, it's pretty bad. I'm gonna go on a rant here for awhile, about two things: #prayforjapan, and priorities.

I'm getting sick of this #prayforjapan thing. I'm not religious at all, and I'm happy I'm not. I don't force myself upon other people, but sometimes, I can't get behind their thought process at all. So you want to #prayforjapan...but isn't it HIS fault in the first place? I'm sure in Japan, there's a fucking shitload of people praying everyday that they will be safe and that they will see tomorrow, and that there WON'T be an earthquake. But did HE listen? No.

So really, at the end of the day, what's the point of praying? As far as I'm concerned, praying is the same thing as wishing. The only difference is that there is no lamp and there is no genie and there is no magic carpet.

Now let me let off some steam about another subject. Priorities. I posted the IFRC link on Facebook yesterday morning. But nobody 'liked' it (but for one person, she's the best). Nobody even 'commented' on it. I first posted it yesterday morning, but I reposted it yesterday evening when more people were online. Still, no reaction. WTF.

The other day, I posted this up: Facebook asks me what's on my mind and what I'm planning, knows who all my friends are, and asks me to check in from time to time. Facebook is my girlfriend.

That got 15 'likes'. My post about how to help Japan? Nothing. Fuck. What's wrong with this world. Does nobody care much? Or is it that...people pray, and they think that that's enough?

I don't have any answers. #hopeforjapan

How To Be Thrifty

I spent...a shit load of money today.

For lunch, my boss and my other colleague went for a jog around the City Hall area. From our Admin Building, we headed over to City Hall, past the Memorial Park and finally Esplanade. It's not that far a distance. For anyone. Especially for me. But my boss doesn't exercise that much, though the run was her idea.

So they cut their run short, and got lunch, while I ran around a bit more, reaching Marina Bay Sands. I asked my boss to just get me whatever she's getting, which wasn't such a smart choice.

She got a $7.50 SALAD. And it was take-away. Sigh. I try not to spent more than $5 for lunch nowadays. $7.50...especially when I don't even get to enjoy the pleasures of the restaurant feels kinds much.

And then I had dinner with two friends from my army days. One of them is working for his dad, and he was in a splurging mood, so I felt obliged to spend along with him. It's not like I'm NOT earning money. Actually, I am. But I currently have this...scarcity mindset. I can enjoy myself no matter what, so why not enjoy myself on the cheap?

Spent almost $20 for dinner at this restaurant at Marina Square. It's called...Hippopotamus Restaurant Grill. It's not bad...their main courses range from $18-$30, and they have set meals for about $21, which includes a main course, and three delicious sides. I had this Blue Cheese Hippo Burger, which wasn't too good, but that might be because I had the Blue Cheese.

That's dinner...and then I had to buy black dress pants and a belt for something I'm going for tomorrow. I already bought the cheapest one there is at the market. Went to G2000, and just got a standard belt and standard pants, and that adds up to almost $90. What the.

Spending your own money hurts. I haven't asked money from my parents since I enlisted into the army. And I don't intend to start doing so soon.

This day was an exception. Most days, I eat a cheap lunch, and try not to eat an expensive dinner. I treat myself once in a while, but...I realize now that that's not the most important thing in life. If you're not sure about whether to get something or not...DON'T.

And I've been using an Expense Manager App on my Android phone, which has been of great help to me. I can basically keep track of all my spending so long as I remember to key it in my phone. To those who don't have that app, download it, it's free!

Kay, I'm going off. Happy Friday!

How To Heal A Broken Heart

My heart literally hurts. And when I mean 'literally', I do mean 'literally'. Recently, I've been having some form of chest pain. It's not something that I feel only when I exercise, but in my day to day activities too. It's starting to worry me. It got so bad that during my run today, I stopped half-way and just walked home.

I don't know what's going on, and it kind of scares me. Maybe it's my eating habits. I'll try working on that and then maybe this pain will go away. Or maybe it's because of a lack of conditioning. We'll see how it works out.

Without my satisfying run, I reached home in a foul mood. I tried to do pull-ups too, but out of the three pull-up bars I passed by on the way home, one was under construction and two were already occupied. I did some static exercises at home instead, maybe that'll help.

My mum called while I was exercising. She's in the United Kingdoms right now. It's a long story! Anyway, she called and she apologized over the phone about how she won't be home for my birthday.

Originally, this wouldn't bother me. But she was so damn apologetic about it, that after some time, it did bother me, and it sucked. I don't think much of birthday. I don't think much of "occasions" in general. Too much expectations...sometimes, it turns out to be just another day and you're left wanting after that.

I have ZERO expectations. But it's OTHER PEOPLE who have expectations, and it's some sort of peer expectation thing which influences me into having SOME expectations, and ultimately, some disappointments.

At the end of the day, I don't really feel much of celebrating my birthday this year. I'm still the same person. I haven't really changed. And what's more, I'm happy with my life as it is. My whole life is a fucking celebration, damn it.

Hmm, yeah, I'm sour over the bad run haha. Kay, I'm gonna shower.

Do what the fuck you want.

I had a look at my old blog yesterday, and I really liked what I read. I was so young back then, and I didn't have a clue what was going on but somehow, I made something nice. I guess that's life! You keep at something long enough, consistently enough, and something, whatever that is, will come out of it. And if it's something you like, your passion will show.

I felt a lot of passion from my old blog.

I'm going to abandon the How-To concept of this blog. It'll be How To from time to time, but not all the time. Sometimes, you just want to type away into a keyboard.

It's magical isn't it? You have a lot of thoughts in your head, but when you actually pen them down, or type them out, they become something more than thoughts. They begin to EXIST. And if you keep at it, your accumulated thought becomes who you are and what people think of you.

I once titled a blog post this: "I like how you don't know anything about me except for the things I choose to show you," I still believe it to this day. Nobody knows what kind of person we are if we do not take action which would reflect the kind of person we are. But before we take action, we first must think, and if we think hard about it enough, we can perceive how people will take us, as a result of that action.

You are who you want to be, is what I always say. When "Born This Way" by Lady Gaga came out, I hated it. It's a catchy song, true enough, but the message just grates me. Okay, so I understand that some people are born gay, born special, born with a fetish, whatever. What about stupid people, and irritating people, and fucked up people? Are you just gonna say that they were "born that way", and leave it at that?

No, people can change, and that's why if I had an anthem it would be called "Do what the fuck you want." and it'll be amazing.

That went off track very fast, but my thoughts just kept coming, and now we have this. It's not special, but it's something. Eventually, it'll be something special. Here's hoping.

How To Train for a Marathon: A Prologue of Sorts

I'm gonna be doing a How To Train for a Marathon post, seeing how I'm actually training for one at the moment. I'm short of time this evening however, so I'll just leave you with this piece from Haruki Murakami:

"But really as I run, I don't think much of anything worth mentioning.

I just run. I run in a void. Or maybe I should put it the other way: I run in order to acquire a void. But as you might expect, an occasional thought will slip into the void. People's minds can't be a complete blank. Human beings' emotions are not strong or consistent enough to sustain a vacuum. What I mean is, the kinds of thoughts and ideas that invade my emotions as I run remain subordinate to that void. Lacking content, they are just thoughts that gather around that central void.

The thoughts that occur to me while I'm running are like clouds in the sky. Clouds of all different sizes. They come and they go, while the sky remains the same sky as always. The clouds are mere guests in the sky that pass away and vanish, leaving behind the sky. The sky both exists and doesn't exist. It has substance and at the same time doesn't. And we merely accept that vast expanse and drink it in."

From his book, "What I Talk About When I Talk About Running".

How To Register for BTT

I haven't learned how to drive yet because my family doesn't own a car. Some people find that surprising, but if you're familiar with our circumstances, then you'd understand. Anyway, Singapore's public transport is quite sound in itself and anyway you calculate it, it's actually cheaper to just take a cab all the time.

With no car, I found no incentive to get a license. I mean, if it doesn't look like I'm getting a car soon, then why bother getting a license? What if I get a license, but because I don't have a car to drive, I lose the practical skills that comes along with the license, rendering it useless?

But anyway, recently, my dad has been strongly hinting at getting a car. And he doesn't have and doesn't intend to get a license...so that means that the car would be for me and my second brother. Excellent news! Talk about incentive.

What I did first was to read up on as much as I could about learning driving in Singapore. I went to ComfortDelGro Driving Centre's website (http://www.cdc.com.sg/users/homepage/index.asp) and it provided plenty of useful information. I asked my friends who have or are in the process of getting their licenses too for tips.

Basically, in Singapore, you have to do your BTT (Basic Theory Test) first. After your BTT, you get your PDL (Probational Driving License) and you can start taking practical lessons already. To finally get your license, you have to take your FTT (Final Theory Test) followed by Traffic Practical (TP).

The waiting time between booking your BTT and actually sitting for it is about two months! I booked mine today and will only be taking the test on May 6th. The same applies for FTT and your TP, I think.

So I headed over to the nearest Driving Centre (at Ubi) to register for BTT, which is to be done in person. It's near Eunos MRT apparently, but I took a bus there. It looks like a building from the 1980s. Like, seriously. You have to see it for yourself. Okay, found this image on GIS. Look at that! It's 2011 and it looks the same!



There are two ways you can take BTT: as a "student" of the school, or as a private candidate. I haven't thought about this point when I went, so I had to make a quick decision on the spot. Doing "school" or "private" have their own pros and cons.

I don't really want to dive into the details because there's too much, and they're actually beyond me. Essentially though, school is pricier but more structured as opposed to private which is more free and easy.

One thing you should take note is that once you pick "private" you have to stick with it all the way through. When you register for BTT, you register as a private candidate or as a student of the school. If you register as a student, you also enroll. Of course, it's more expensive.

I chose the private route because I think I'm good enough to do most things without the school's help and because I'm a cheapskate at heart. But to each his own! If money was no object, I would have taken school, I think.

The staff at CDDC were quite friendly, and they answered all my queries quite well, despite the fact that they probably get asked the same questions every single day. When you get there, you have to take a queue number. School and private take different queue numbers, take note!

The whole process is quite fast. About 30 minutes and you're done, I think. Bring along your IC, and NETs card. The fee is about...$17? $10 to open an account, about $7 to book the test itself.

And with that, your (and my) BTT is booked!